Proof Wisconsin is a fooball state

I wanted to pass along the rough transcripts that a friend of mine sent me after his trip to Miller Park last week. I wish I could say I was surprised, but it seems like he had much the same experience that I used to have at Twins games as a carousel of fans sat behind me and asked increasingly bizarre questions.

It's worth noting that the guy who sent this was born and raised in Wisconsin, so if the Sconnie accents got on his nerves, it had to be pretty bad. He's also the one who took delight in the Prince Fielder/vegetarian mini-scandal where he pointed out that Wisconsin was one of the few states where a professional athlete would be criticized for losing weight and eating healthy.

From the semi-retarded people sitting behind me last night at the Brewers vs. Toronto (who also spoke in great Wisconsin accents)

Girl 1 - "What place are the Brewers in?"
Guy 1 - "Third I think..."
Girl 1 - "What place are the Blue Jays in?
Guy 1 - "Third I think."
Girl 1 - "Oohhhhh, so this is a really important game, eh"?
Guy 1 - "Yeah"

Also, Guy 1 or 2 (hard to distinguish) couldn't stop talking about how awesome and tough Jason Kendall is - and how much he loves him - who is currently batting .259, with 1 whole HR and 22 RBIs. Lighting it up.

And again Guy 1 or 2 talking about how great Scott Rolen is (well - I guess if you think Jason Kendall is good, I could see that). Obviously he was good - this year, not so much.

With 2 outs in the eighth inning and a man on 1st and third:

Guy 1 - "I wonder if they're going to manufacture a run here" - i.e., put on the suicide squeeze like they did earlier in the game. I'm sure I don't have to point out to you the problem with that. Also, they were winning.

Retarded girl one astounded that a guy got to third from first on a hit and run:

"Oh, he was already halfway to second when he hit the ball?"

And I can't stress the accents enough. I also had to listen to a whole conversation between them and the beer man about their kids and shit, who they apparently knew - and also was semi-retarded - sounded like something straight out of Fargo.

Jesus. Christ .... I just can't do justice in an email to the general stupidity - and listening to it all in the worst Milwaukee accent you can imagine.

In situations like these, it's best to not try to find any meaning in what is going on around you. It's like sitting next to the person who can't keep track of the action on the field and ends up roaring his approval when his team strikes out only to be forced to sit down sheepishly.

I love when that happens.

(Image taken for Siberian Baseball)

Back up so he can throw it...

I guess there's more than one reason the mound is 60 feet, six inches from home plate.

This is just the easiest one to figure out.

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What? Do you hate America or something?

Every now and again, I'll see something - usually a building like the Mall of America or the Rock n' Roll McDonald's - and say, "that's one of the reasons other countries hate America."

This is one of those times.

France sends the Statue of Liberty over to us as a sign of friendship and we're cool for a while and then we had to go and do this.

In what looks like a series of junior high school art projects MLB is selling trying to sell collectible Statue of Liberty figures with the logos of the teams and All-Star Game splashed across them (thanks to Chicagoist.com).

Nothing says, "America and baseball" like the Statue of Liberty in what appears to be the old Washington Capitals uniform, right?

Here's the basic breakdown of these tiny monstrosities:

* The Kansas City figure - Wow, talk about phoning it in. I suspect they know that no one will buy these things, certainly not for the Royals, so why spend any time on it, right? Paint it blue, slap a logo and let's move on.

* The Toronto figure - I'm American and a baseball fan and have no desire to own any of these... why would a Canadian shell out for a team's logo on an American icon? Aside from the highly favorable exchange rate, which makes them practically free for residents of America's hat.

* The Brooklyn figure - Way to rub it in, Yankees. Brooklyn loses its team which goes on to win championships in their new home in California. Now you're going to try and pawn these off on aging fans who never fully recovered from the trauma of seeing their beloved Bums ship out for Los Angeles.

* The Yankees figure - Essentially the only passable one of the bunch. I fail to see this as a coincidence.

(Image from MLB.com)

You can have the big slice

I'm honestly trying to decide if this is more or less ridiculous than the actual interview.

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That's pretty much everyone

My only regret - other than not finding this first - is that I found it on a weekend Deadspin post. This deserved much better than that.